Toxic people are everywhere. They come in many forms and from many walks of life. They can be your friend, lover, neighbor, coworker, boss. They can even be your own family members such as a parent or sibling. Or, maybe even yourself. It can sometimes be hard to recognize them and even harder to recognize the negative effect they can have on your energy and emotional state. Some more sensitive folks and empaths and overly intuitive people also tend to attract these type of people more than the average person. But EVERYONE can be affected.
Learning how to recognize and protect yourself from them can be vital to your well being. Especially now in a world where everyone is constantly connected via the internet and social media. Being able to see them for what they are and learning to disconnect and properly protect yourself from their negative effect can really help you get through life feeling much happier, healthier and with all of your own energy still intact.
The types of toxic people vary just as much as people themselves. Some of them are aware of what they do and some are not. Some enjoy stirring up drama and chaos so that they can feed off the energy and emotions that it creates. Others prefer to be the absolute center of positive energy and absorb it and need it to feel normal. Some get energy by controlling or manipulating others. Each is unique to themselves and there is no box you can put them in or list of traits you can check off for them. That is why it can be very hard to recognize them. Some are obvious like the jealous and controlling lover who demands all of the attention for themselves. But some are more subtle like the mother who oversteps her boundaries slightly, or the friend who always seems to have a tragedy in their life that demands your attention and sympathy.
One of the things that you will always find in common when you are with these people or even just speaking with them on the phone or through messages is how you FEEL when you engage with them. They almost ALWAYS will have a negative effect on your mood. You may not notice it at first. You may not notice it at all. If you feel tired or sluggish everytime you talk to or around someone that is a good sign that something is off in the relationship.
There are many toxic people who do not project any negativity at all. They may not even be aware that they are soaking up energy like a sponge from everyone they are around. I have personally noticed that those type of people always seem to be very high energy people. Always on the go and always seem a bit frazzled and stressed. Like a rubber band is wound too tight and no matter what they never seem to be able to unwind it. They overload themselves and their system with a ton of energy that does not belong to them and it ends up burning them out more than anything.
For me, these are some of the most harmless of the toxic types. They do not have any ill intentions they just do not know how to control their own energy or properly block out any that is not their own. I feel they are more like the unprotected empaths and sensitive who are not aware of who they are and that they are able to control how much they absorb and block out. Another type I run into VERY often is the eternal victim. There is ALWAYS something wrong in their life. They are always on the brink of a total catastrophe. Every time you talk to them it’s something new. Fighting with their lover, being mistreated at their job, some type of illness or injury. It never ends. And they are always woah is me, my life is so terrible. They ALWAYS want sympathy and they always want to talk about only themselves. If you try to shift the topic to your life or something more positive they generally will either just go right back into them or get agitated that you are not taking them seriously or listening to them. The old term they feed off of your attention and sympathy could not be more accurate. that is EXACTLY what they are doing. These type can be very frustrating too cause you generally care about these people. They are not BAD people and you may remember a time when they were actually fun and enjoyable to be around. Once they get caught up in this cycle of constantly getting attention and sympathy from being in this constant state of self-pitty then their lives and the world around them conform to fit the image they project and they begin to attract negative events and experiences.
It can be very hard to help these folks be self-aware. If you point it out then that just gives them another victim angle to play off of. However hard it may be it is best to not reward them for this behavior with the attention and pity they seek. Being kind but firm in letting them know only they can help themselves and nicely disconnecting from any conversation that starts turning in that direction is helpful. For some of them, you may need to just keep a healthy distance from them all together. They are not going to stop this until the world around them stops rewarding them for it.
Another common type I get and I find comes up a lot in readings I do for others is the type who always needs praise and their ego stroked. Their self-esteem is so damaged and fragile that they need to constantly drag others down in order to feel like they are good enough. These types are pretty easy to spot because at some point they have most likely said or done something that has left you feeling hurt or offended. They are the ones who if you tell them you are getting a new job, They scoot over the topic to tell you about their awesome new promotion. Or if you announce you are getting engaged they will dwarf it by announcing they are working on having a new baby. They always need to feel they are on top and a few steps above others in their life. Also, they like to point out the flaws in others and shine a spotlight on any and everything wrong. If you find them talking about someone other than themselves it will most likely be to put them down or gossip behind their back. No matter what someone does they can do it bigger and better. They are generally very materialistic and worry more about things and status than people and friendship. They usually put on a good act when you first meet them and they seem charming and sweet until the mask starts to slip as they become comfortable around you and they start to try and make sure you know that they are superior to you and those around you in some way or another. I tend to encounter these types most often in work situations or with extended family. I make it a point to not keep these people close to me. No matter how strong and confident you feel you are they will eventually erode away at your self-esteem and leave you doubting your self and your achievements. Just remember when dealing with these people. They are coming from a place of deep self-loathing and the shiny well put together exterior is just a costume they wear to hide how broken and sad they really are under-neither. Another very common one I run into is those who feel the need to control others. Sometimes is obvious. They control what someone says and where they go or even so much as to what they eat wear. But it is not always so black and white with people who need to control others. It can be much more subtle. It can be controlling how you feel about yourself or how others feel about you.
A good example is a mother of a grown child who has a life and children of their own who needs to be in CONSTANT contact with them. They need to know what they are doing every day. They
want to know every detail of their life. How much money they have and how they spend it. Where their children are at constantly. They will show up unannounced and barge in the home as if they own the place. They may try and take over the children as if they are their own and change their hair or clothing without speaking to the parents.
Or it could be a close friend who for some reason always seems to disapprove of anyone you date. They find flaws in them and constantly criticize them and seem to WANT the relationship to fail. Or they may get upset if you decide to spend time with another friend or family member and not include them. When you are with them they always seem to be in control of the situation. Where you go, who you are with where you eat or what movie you see. And you tend to just let them have their way because it is easier than challenging them. Or it could be the coworker who seems to think that they are in charge even if they are not. They may feel the need to tell you how to do your job or point out any tiny mistake you make. They may speak to you as if they are somehow in charge of you when clearly you are equals. Anyone who dominates a situation or a person even in small ways. They NEED to feel they are in charge of people and situations and that they are the
ones steering the direction that everything is going in. These are hard to avoid as well and they tend to be people we are very close to in our lives. It is important to stand your ground with them. The more you just let them have their way to avoid drama or confrontation the more it validates to them that you are weak and controllable. You do not have to be rude to them or call them out but you can just put your foot down and let them know that you are capable and able to make choices and decisions without their approval or direction.
The last one I am going to talk about but by far not the least is our ever too common and seemingly more popular narcissist. I have been seeing a lot about them on social media and other information outlets over the past few years. There is an endless amount of them out there and chances are you have encountered at least one in your life. I do feel that people are being a bit too liberal with this term. Not everyone that is rude or treats others badly is a narcissist. There are so many reasons a person may act the way they do. A TRUE narcissist is not just a rude ex-boyfriend or the snarky boss. They are something much darker and much more damaging. They are true actors and puppeteers. They will most likely be a hybrid combination of every type of toxic person all balled up into one nicely disguised package. They are charming, funny, charismatic. They are smart and manipulative. Most people will be blissfully unaware that they are dealing with a person who lacks any and all empathy. They are chameleons who blend in perfectly with their peers. Chances are 90% of the people they encounter in life will have no idea of who or what they really are as they are so good at convincing them that they are just like everyone else. That unlucky 10%, however, will be put through hell and back before figuring it out.
They will not be your run of the mill jerk. Every move they make is calculated. It is a game of cat and mouse. It is pure entertainment for them. They can and do not love. They can become attached to a person because that person offers them something they enjoy. Sex, companionship, a status symbol. But if any of the things that they keep this person around to cease or they find someone who can do it better they will be out of your life so fast your head will spin. But not before making sure you know just how worthless and unimportant you really are to them. They will burrow deep into you over time and learn everything about you. What makes you happy, sad, scared. They will learn what you like about yourself and convince you that it’s worthless. They will learn what you don’t like about yourself and shine a light on it. They will swing back and forth from hot to cold. Making you feel like you are on top of the world and the best thing that ever happened in their life to being in a pit at the bottom of some abyss letting you know that you mean and are nothing and you should kiss the ground they walk on because you will NEVER have anyone as amazing as them in your life because you are not worthy of it. The types of head games they will play with you will depend on the relationship dynamic. whether they are a lover, parent, friend, boss.
There are endless possibilities to the ways they will go about getting what they want. But the one thing they have in common ALWAYS is that most likely no one will know what they are doing but the victim. They are sneaky and smart. And when things do go south which they always do, they will do everything in their power to destroy your life and make you out to be either crazy or evil or both. And if you bite back they will stop at nothing to ruin your life through any means possible. They will spend every moment and dollar they have just to make you suffer. They are dangerous and pride themselves in being so. If you honestly feel that someone in your life is a TRUE narcissist do not challenge them. Do not confront them or fight them. The best you can do is not give them whatever it is they want from you so that THEY can decide to leave you behind and move on. It is important they feel it was their plan and that you just quietly go about your life.
Toxic people are everywhere. Avoiding them is virtually impossible. But you can protect yourself and your energy from them. Identifying them can be hard. Many Tarot readers are very skilled at picking up the energy that people are putting out and can help you to navigate who and what you may be dealing with from a certain person or situation. And it can be helpful to determine that before confronting a person or cutting them out of your life.
Don’t let those toxic people get to you – come speak to me and I can help you sort things out ~Cortney